So much has happened since you left us. Everything is different, everything has changed. I’m single again. Not something you ever thought would happen, but well…here I am. Living on my own. I feel you in my little house, guiding me as I decorate like you so loved to do. You’d like it. It’s cute and quaint.
I tried to hold my marriage together. I really did. And I know that you would never believe that he could do me wrong, but he did. And my heart shattered. It was already so broken from losing you and then the blow of being left by the man I loved, it destroyed me. I missed you arms to cry in and your always sage (and sometimes potty mouthed) words of wisdom.
And little Raegen was born. She came a little early, but not early enough for you to meet here. One month to short for you to see her and hold her, and count her little toes and kiss her head as I watched you do with both my babies. She came into this world tiny but full of spirit and I knew you were there. As I was in the room with my baby helping her bring her daughter into the room, I knew you were there. That everything was going to be alright. And it was. She was tiny, but she was perfect. I think she has your eyes. Wide and bright.
My heart hurts from grief. From the grief filled festival my life has become. Some days I can barely hold on. It’s hard. So hard. But I’m trying. If you taught me anything it was to be strong, pick yourself up and move on. Weakness was not in your vocabulary.
I miss you, grams. Please keep guiding me and protecting me and babies and grandbaby.
I’ll take good care of her. I promise.
Until we meet again,